Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
