she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
