I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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