They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
