I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
