I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
