OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
