So gin and wine won't be happening again
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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