He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
