I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
