I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
