Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
