you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's like God shit irony all over that family
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
