something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
