i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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