so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
