This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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