Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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