I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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