and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
