Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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