it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
soo... how was my night?
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