oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
