Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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