I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
