I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
