I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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