i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I believe in your delicious
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
