I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
