tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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