yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
