Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
