i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
