i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
