Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
