He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ugly people sure do ruin things
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
