This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
