Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
