what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
