I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
