I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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