If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
