recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
