i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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