Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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