so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
