Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
