There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
