wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
