He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
