I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
