I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
