so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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